Valentine's Day {sneak peak}

We started our Saturday off with a Valentine's Day mini session with the talented Mrs. Shannon Morton. We were only there for about ten minutes- but I think she got some really cute shots! She did this for FREE to show her appreciation for all of her clients from 2011. Doesn't get much better than that!

I snapped this picture of B when we got home. Can't wait to see what Shannon comes up with! Happy {early} Valentine's Day!

January 28.

Today we enjoyed a sweet day with family full of beautiful sunshine and lots of playing outside. It was so nice to just relax at home with nowhere that we actually had to be.

For me, it was bittersweet. Today, January 28th, is the day that I was due to have the baby that we lost last May. I can't help but wonder if that baby was a boy or a girl, and what things would have looked like if that pregnancy had gone along as {we had} planned. I would have more than likely had a c-section about a week ago, and we would probably be at home with a newborn right now. I cannot even imagine it. We would have never gotten pregnant with Caroline, or gotten to meet her, hold her, or tell her how much we loved her. Bitter and sweet.

As these days pass I find myself feeling a little bit better physically every day. I still have ups and downs as far as emotions go, which I expect may last for a long time. Today I feel like I am making it. Some days, I don't.

I still have so much processing in my mind ALL. OF. THE. TIME.

Maybe it is because I am a woman. My brain was never really good at shutting off even before all of this happened. But now I replay conversations in my head. Replay decisions that we made. Replay the events and how they have evolved over the last 2 1/2 months. I am easily transported back to the moment I woke up and realized that there was a "complication" as they called it during surgery, and that Caroline was no longer nestled safely in my belly. Somehow I knew what was to come.

So much going on in this head of mine. I saw a sweet friend the other day who has also suffered loss recently, and she described it as "Swimmy Head." Sounds kind of funny but it describes me perfectly right now.

I'm just trying to work my way through it all. Some days I do better than others.

I am starting counseling this week and looking forward to it. The lady that I will be seeing sounded a lot like Cheryl Free on the phone, and anyone that knows me very well knows that I love me some Cheryl Free. I really hope that this lady is as kind as Cheryl and will be a refuge and support. I am ready to take some steps forward, and think that this could help tremendously.

I found the picture that I posted at the beginning of this post on this blog. Since losing this first baby, and then Caroline, I have a whole new perspective on Heaven. I will be greeted by my sweet angels and can't imagine a better homecoming than that.

Thank you for your continued prayers, cards, and amazing support. We are so blessed to be surrounded by the people God has placed in our lives (check out our sweet friend's blog post about her five year old praying for us- truly melts my heart). Blessed, blessed, blessed!

On another note, we are getting really excited about our Team Caroline event! The shirts have been designed and everything is working out perfectly so far {other than me actually exercising to get ready for it!}. We would love for you to get involved if you haven't already. We can't wait to see everyone in March!

Our little rock star...

Okay- so maybe not so much of a rock star as a cute two year old with a guitar. Granny and Grandpa got this guitar for B for Christmas and he loves it. I recorded him doing it one time, and now he thinks I have to do it every single time! He is such a ham! Jason was recording here, and I was standing next to him with the camera. If you listen closely you can hear Bryson tell me to take his picture!

We've created a monster!

Enjoy...

(Scroll down to the bottom of the screen and press the "pause" button to stop the music in order to hear the video.)

Words to Remember

We had a great day today. Grandma was here. We went to Target and Bryson got a little bug like his friend Owen has. He was so excited and has not put it down. He napped with it and it is currently sleeping in his bed with him.

After he woke up from his nap we went to get a haircut. He was. not. happy.

Like any good Mom I bribed him with ice cream from McDonalds as a reward for good behavior at the hair dresser's. He did great- but I must say, I was a little sad to see his hair go. I will admit that it has been out of control a little bit too long for a while now, but I like it a little bit longer. His Daddy loves it short- and it was time- so we did it. I almost didn't recognize him! He looks so much more grown up.   :(

Anyways, tonight Jason was giving Bryson a bath and Bryson started crying. He was practically screaming and really upset. I rushed in there to see what was wrong {Jason couldn't understand him}. He said

"Daddy washed my haircut!"

He was furious! Jason and I couldn't help but laugh, and then I finally got him to calm down and let Jason wash the soap out of his hair. This kid keeps us laughing, no doubt about that. I love that little man!

Before {notice his bug in front of him on the floor}:

After:



A Noteworthy Ruple Record

I want to take just a minute to brag on my boy. You see, this child of mine, he likes to wake up early. Not just early, but extremely early. This is not fun for this night owl momma. Bryson is up before 6:15am 99% of the time, and about half of the time it is in the 5am hour. No matter what time we put him to bed. EVERY DAY. There is no need for alarms in this house. Our alarm is in the form of a very energetic two-year old.

So, imagine my surprise this morning when I woke up and the sun was shining. All was quiet in the house. I rolled over and looked at the clock and almost choked. 9AM! I couldn't believe it and almost hurt myself running into Bryson's room to make sure he was breathing. When I opened the door he sat up and smiled at me. Sweet boy was ready for the day!

Imagine the praise he got for sleeping that late. We could definitely get used to this! Hoping that it wasn't a fluke...

***

On another note-- here is what I caught my boys doing tonight. Yes, that is my two-year old pulling his Daddy with a rope tied between the tricycle and the plasma car. What have I gotten myself into?!?!

Welcome Home Halle!

When we first received the Spina Bifida diagnosis my sweet friends, who know me oh so well, said that they were coming to get Halle. They KNEW that this dog, although I love her dearly, drives me insane! She snores LOUDLY all of the time on the couch. Her paws are loud on the wood, and it seems like she waits until the exact moment I fall asleep to get up and roam around the house. She leaves a trail of dog hair {and God knows what else!} everywhere she goes! I don't know what it was- but when I had Bryson something in me clicked. This dog was no longer my child and I couldn't take it anymore! {can I blame the hormones??}

So anyways, the Browns came and took her to their house for an indefinite amount of time. Greatest friends ever. We have lots of those. :)

Last week we decided it was time to get Halle back. I was actually ready for her to be home. Bryson missed her. We needed that sense of normalcy back in our daily routine. After all, she is part of this family too.

Bryson was thrilled to have his "Halle Girl" home again.

 She came back about 10 pounds lighter. We are now calling it "Brown Bootcamp." She immediately returned to her lookout perch/favorite sleep spot and it were as if she was never gone.

Happy to have her home!

{and thank you, Browns!}

Visitors, Christmas {in January}, & More Visitors

January has been a bit of a crazy month around the Ruple house. We have had so many visitors. It is a nice change to have friends/family here to help out and hang out, not just because of horrible circumstances where we NEED them here. Not sure if that made sense- but we've been enjoying it!

Aunt Amy came for a visit...

...and so did "Uncle Wull." (aka Uncle Will)

 Jason's parents came and we exchanged Christmas gifts since we didn't get to do it in December. Of course Bryson was in Heaven!

 He always loves Granny's pillow like this- and now he finally has his own! He sleeps with it every night!

 And who doesn't need frog rain boots? They are adorable. Unfortunately he wants to wear them all. the. time. Unfortunately this is not a battle I am willing to fight most days. Just be aware...

 For the grandparents on both sides we made them a sort of photo collage of their last name. I cut out the letters using thick poster board and then had each kid hold up a letter. I love the way they turned out!

For my mom and dad's we had to get a little bit creative. Bryson is the only grandchild at this point. So I had each couple hold a letter, Bryson held one (with Caroline's sonogram picture taped to it- BOTH grand kids!), and then we had to include my parents and the dog. Luckily my parents still had no idea what we were doing. They were completely surprised and loved it!

And last but not least Tahrea came and spent the day with me yesterday. We have been friends for a LONG time- like since I was in 7th grade long time. The real, stick with each other through thick and thin kind of friends. It was so great to get to spend time just talking and enjoying each other's company.

Slowly but surely I feel like we are getting back to what is going to be our new normal. I can't believe five weeks have passed since I had surgery and since I was holding my precious baby. I'm still just trusting in the fact that even though I don't understand any of this, God does. He is holding me and has a plan. So thankful just for the knowledge and realness of that.

Happy Friday!