In-Utero Repair

Here is a youtube video about the first in-utero Spina Bifida repair at Texas Children's hospital (the one right before mine). It explains it all really well and I just wanted to share.

 This was essentially my medical team. They are all amazing and I am so thankful that we were in their care.

(To turn off the music so that you can hear the video scroll down to the bottom of the screen and hit the pause button.)

Words to Remember

We are planting a garden this year. Jason built it and Bryson has been helping throughout the entire process. When I asked him what he wanted to grow in our garden, his response was fast and serious, like he had been thinking about it for a while. Strawberries and muffins. That is what he is expecting to grow out of our dirt. AND he will tell this to anyone who asks him. Hope he isn't too disappointed!

This morning we were sitting on the couch and Bryson told me that he would like a cereal bar for breakfast. He told me which kind he wanted, and then said "Please!" So, as I got up to go get it for him he said "Thanks, Mom. I'm so proud of you!" Gotta love that kid!

Speechless

I recently read "Choosing to See" by Mary Beth Chapman. It is a great read and really hit close to home for me. I think that I have a personality very similar to the author's, so it was nice for me to read about how she handled the devastating grief of losing a child. At the beginning of the book, Mary Beth reveals that she had asked God to show her the child she lost in a dream. She just wanted to see her. God did not give her that dream, but he did give it to a good friend of hers, Beth Moore. When Beth called to tell Marybeth about it she felt crazy, but Mary Beth knew exactly what was going on. God knew that Mary Beth was still too deeply wounded to be able to handle seeing her little girl again in that way, so He revealed that she was okay in a different way, and he revealed it in His timing.

All of this to say that today I had a close friend email me to say that she had a dream about Caroline last night. I immediately got goosebumps. She too felt crazy, but wanted to tell me about it.

These last few days have been really hard for me. Really hard. Sometimes the disappointments and unexpected blows are just too much to take. The story breaking of little Charlotte's birth was wonderful news, but also a sad reminder of the fact that we don't have our sweet girl here with us.

This friend of mine has also been thinking about this story and praying about it over the last couple of days. She said that she has just had a peace about it all, knowing that we made the right decision in having the surgery.

She said that she never remembers dreams, so it was really weird to wake up and remember this one. In the dream she could just see Caroline's ultrasound taking place. She said that she could tell how sick Caroline was.

I teared up immediately and was pretty much speechless. As a mom, you may know that there is something "wrong" with your baby, but when you see them squirming and kicking around in your belly, you often forget that. When I let myself I go to a place of deep sadness thinking about everything that we are missing out on by not having Caroline here with us, I don't often remind myself of the true condition her poor little body was in (and possibly worse off than we even knew).

This dream reminded me that God knew what he was doing. He doesn't make mistakes. While she was definitely one sick little girl, I know that right now at this very moment she is whole and healthy with the Creator himself.

It truly doesn't get much sweeter than that.

Thank you, Lord, for reminding me of that tonight (and thank you, sweet friend, for sharing that with me).

She isn't missing.

"She isn't missing. We know where she is."

I am so thankful for these words that my friend Jenny spoke to me tonight.

This evening has been a little bit rough. The woman who had the very first in-utero surgery at Texas Children's Hospital (I was #2) delivered her baby yesterday. She was over five pounds and made it to 36 weeks. Her name is Charlotte which interestingly was one of our top two names for our sweet Caroline. Watching the story unfold on the news left me with tears of excitement and joy, but also left me feeling as if I had been punched in the gut. I can't help but think that that could be my baby lying there, all cuddled up. We could have had that outcome.

But, we didn't. God chose to heal Caroline in a different way. I will never understand all of this, but I know that I'm not supposed to right now.

One night a few weeks ago I read the book "Heaven is for Real." I was honestly a bit skeptical before reading it. This book has received so much hype and I am usually disappointed by these types of books. Not this time. "Heaven is for Real" gave me so much hope. Jason and I now know that when we get to Heaven, we will be greeted by two babies. One we have held in our arms and one we have not. I know it will be glorious. {don't worry- we are NOT rushing it!} We just know where we're going and where Caroline is, and we are so thankful for the peace that brings in this sad situation of this world {if you haven't read it- go. get. it. now.}.

 I am so thankful for the fetal surgical team at TCH and the strides they have made to lessen the effects of this devastating disease. They are performing miracles every day! It is truly amazing.

Please keep little Charlotte and her Mom in your prayers.

"My grace is all you need, for my power is strongest when you are weak."

2 Corinthians 12:9

Recycling

"This earth is God's and everything in it. We should live like we believe this."

Jen Hatmaker, "7"

I once heard someone on Oprah say that the United States accounts for 5% of the world's population, but contributes 60% of the trash. Wow! For some reason that has really stuck with me. We, the American people, live with means that most of the rest of the world can only dream about, and we are completely reckless in the amount of waste we produce. So, when we moved into this house and discovered that College Station had curbside recycling, we decided to take part in it. Easy enough. We bought a few trashcans, they provided the bags, and we did our part. Then we started being the trashiest people EVER. As you may  have read in an earlier post I had to STEAL my neighbors trashcan because the over-sized trashcan the city provides us wasn't cutting it anymore. I did some research and found Brazos Valley Recycling. They accept almost everything as far as recycling goes, and they have a drop-off site on campus. So, we bought a few more trashcans and have started recycling a lot more.
Here is what I dropped off today...

...and this is waiting on our curb to be picked up tomorrow by the city.

AND, when our trashcan went out this morning, it wasn't even half way full. Amazing! I just wanted to share this because I am happy with the change and think that it is important.

Off of my soapbox now...  :)

WE DID IT!!!

Today we reached our goal of raising $2,500 to give to the Spina Bifida Association in honor of Caroline {we are actually currently at $2,660!}! I cannot believe it- especially since we still have two weeks until the race. I am overjoyed- almost speechless. Thank you SO much to everyone who has supported us through these last several months {not only financially in this endeavor, but also emotionally}. We would not be where we are today without each of you and the roles you've played.

On another note- if you were going to donate but have not had a chance- please still do! You can donate on-line by clicking on the link on the right side of this page. Lets see how much money we can raise!

THANK YOU!!!!

Country Boy???

Last Thursday Bryson and I headed out to our sweet friends' house for a play date. Bryson LOVES horses, even though I don't think he has ever really been up close to one. He has an app on Jason's phone that he plays with {he bought a $30 horse before we knew what he was doing!}. He is now responsible for feeding and watering the horse, and taking care of it in general {ha!}. He loves that horse and was SO excited to see a real one. Poor baby, I think we need to get out more. :)

Anyways, after a quick trip to the ENT {where we got a great report on B's ears!}, we headed to the country. These friends have cows everywhere, chickens and roosters roaming the yard, and a horse named Humphry. It was beautiful and quiet and Bryson was mesmorized from the beginning. Of course he had to wear his cape, and it was really muddy so he sported his frog rain boots. He also had stickers from the doctor's office all over his pants. What can I say? He is a two-year old boy-- and I thought it was pretty cute!

 Humphry the Horse

 Bryson loved the oil rig. He said "Whoaa!" as he pointed to it and watched it go up and down and up and down. So funny. Again- we have got to get this kid out of the city more often!

 And who doesn't love to splash in puddles? These kids were having a blast!

Erin fixed a great lunch and then we let the kids play while we chatted. It was so relaxing and nice to stop and just enjoy these friendships.

Thanks, friends, for a GREAT morning! Bryson is still talking about it!

*Just in case anyone is wondering- Jason has since removed his credit card from his phone. There will be no more horse buying in Bryson's future!*