Thursday, November 10, 2011

The next morning I went to work and celebrated our little girl with the ladies I work with. One of them (Mechelle) had thought it was a girl all along, and had nicknamed her Gertie. We all ate breakfast in our conference room and I just soaked in every minute. As the morning passed, I still couldn't get rid of that nagging feeling that something was wrong. By the time lunch rolled around I assured myself that if anything had been wrong I would have already received a phone call.

At 1:34pm I got the call. I actually answered the phone (which I don't usually do) and it was Dr. Bertsch. I put her on hold, closed my door, and tried to get myself together. She was so nice, and slowly gave me the news.

"The baby has spina bifida."

I can still hear her saying those words- I doubt I will ever be able to shake that from my head. I was speechless. Absolutely could not find words. Couldn't swallow. Couldn't think. I wondered if she could hear my heart beating through the phone.

Then my auto mode must have kicked in. I don't know a lot about spina bifida, but somehow I managed to ask a few questions. She said that it was at the lumbar level, and that she didn't know a lot other than that. She was referring me to a specialist in Temple. I remember telling her that I had been taking my folic acid regularly for months. This isn't supposed to happen if you do that. Dr. Bertsch said that folic acid helps reduce the risk, but that there is always a risk. She handled the situation with a great kindness and professionalism. She told me to call Jason and to let her know if there was anything at all she could do for us.

I hung up the phone and cried. I didn't really even know what was happening or what we were dealing with, but I was completely overcome with emotion. I cried and cried, until someone lightly knocked on my door and came in and held me as I cried. Charli offered to call Jason or to drive me somewhere, but I said I could manage. I got my stuff together and left.

On the way home I called Jason and my Mom. Jason came home immediately. We cried and held each other. I will never forget that.

As we were sitting on our couch, in the dark, talking and crying, I had a clear thought. I (vaguely) remembered Dr. Bertsch saying that she was referring me to a specialist in Temple and that they would be calling me by Monday to let me know how we should proceed.

We don't have Scott and White insurance. We don't have to go to Temple. When I realized this I started to research spina bifida specialists. I was immediately directed to Texas Children's Hospital in Houston. They have a complete spina bifida team. I called and got Irma on the phone. I'm still not quite sure of Irma's official title, but she has been literally a life-saver for us already. I cried and she talked. She literally counseled me on the phone that afternoon. She said that I needed to get them the results of my ultrasound.

I got the results sent over from S&W. Funnily, the medical records clerk's name was Dearest. The nurse also helped to facilitate that transfer of records. When the records were safely transferred a left a message for Dr. Bertsch to call me as soon as possible.

When Dr. Bertsch called I told her about us not having Scott and White insurance and not HAVING to go to Temple. I wanted her personal and professional opinion, and I point blank asked her if this was her and her child where she would go. She told me the pros of going to Temple (she knows the people she would be transferring me to, it is a small but personalized setting, etc), and then agreed that TCH could really offer the "full court press." She said that she would support me in whatever decision we made; this was our child and we had to make the decision that was right for us.

I was so thankful for the way that she talked candidly and freely, and made me feel like she was on our side.

During my call with Dr. Bertsch, Irma from TCH called back. She had received our records and set up appointments for all day on Friday (the next day). It was at that time that she told me the nurse's name was Angel, and gave me direct phone numbers in case we had any questions before we got there in the morning. She offered for us to stay in the Ronald McDonald house. Everything started rolling faster than we ever could have imagined.

We called our parents and all four of them were in the car and here by dinner time. Lots of tears were shed that night. Lots of pleading with God. Lots of sobbing with words that wouldn't come.

God knew what we needed. We needed arms to hold us up- He sent our families.

What a blessing our families have already proven to be.