Caroline

On this day seven months ago we said good-bye to our precious Caroline.

Today I had the opportunity to visit my sweet girl's grave site. She is buried right in between my grandparents, and I can't think of a more perfect spot for her as I'm sure she is with both of them now.

I have not had a chance to visit the cemetery since her headstone was set. I knew that seeing her headstone would have a definitely finality that I don't think I have been ready to face until today.

As I drove up to the spot where I would park, I could envision all of the people who waited for us on that dreaded day. I remembered all too well the tears that came and would not stop as we got out of the car, and of course, they came again today as well. There was a cool breeze blowing through the air. When I made it to where she is buried, I just sat, for a long time, with my eyes closed and tears streaming.

I needed that today. I needed time with my thoughts and time to remember my baby. I needed to talk to God about what I wanted Him to tell her for me, and I needed to talk to her in a strange way too. I prayed and cried and prayed some more.

In the end as I dusted off my shorts and started to leave, I felt more at peace than I have in months. I know my little girl isn't there. She isn't under that dirt in the place that her beautifully simple headstone lies. Although I desperately ache for her to be here with us, I know she is with my Jesus.

So today, seven months later, I am thankful for the beautiful way we got to celebrate her life, and for the beautiful place I have to remember her. She touched so many people, and will forever hold a huge portion of my heart.